What am I doing?

Why we do what we do is just as important as what we do.

This statement has been on my mind for some time now.  Some times we can do some really great things with some really crappy motives.  That sucks!  I believe in digging deeper and analyzing why we do what we do.

Why am I serving my church? Why am I feeding the homeless?  Why am I praying for people?  Why do I call myself a Christian?  Why do I go to church?  I could go on all day long but I digress.

Brandon and I were on vacation in Hawaii this month.  While we were there I had this sense that God was going to do something BIG!  For me, of course. (because I'm often selfish like that)  Maybe speak to me and tell me His purpose for my life.  And God did speak.  Not in the way that I wanted or expected but DEFINITELY in the way that my soul desperately needed!

The second day in Maui we drove down to Lahaina in search of a bathing suit cover for me.  (I had conveniently left mine in the dryer back home)  I refused to pay $40 for something I could find on clearance at target for $10 so needless to say we did not find me a swimsuit cover.  We decided to walk around aimlessly.

We took some pictures of the ocean and as we were walking we saw this beautiful church!  I am a sucker for a beautiful cathedral.  Something about the oldness and past that they represent is mesmerizing to me.  I saw people were filing in quickly so I assumed service must be about to start.  I asked Brandon to stop and we read the sign in front.  Sure enough, service started at 9:30am and it was currently 9:25am.  I told Brandon "Let's go! We should totally go to church! How awesome that we happen to be right in front of this beautiful church RIGHT when service is starting! So God!" (ok that might not be exactly what I said but you get the idea... I was STOKED)  We crossed to their side of the street and I was taken aback by the look of pure disgust the greeter was looking at me and my husband with.  His eyes said "YOU are not welcome here."  Being the people pleaser that I am I put on my best "no worries... we're one of you... we love Jesus" smiles hoping he would telepathically read my thoughts and greet us.  This did NOT happen.  He stared back coldly.

We left and I felt rather... defeated.  I remember saying how sad that was.  How sad that we could of been atheists who were for the first time interested in what this Jesus guy was all about but that guy couldn't get past our shorts and tank tops and tattoos to share the gospel with us and welcome us in to truth.  I also felt angry because those types of Christians are what kept me out of the church for so long.

I'm rambling now.  Back to the point.  Or maybe I don't have one ha!

We continued walking back the other direction away from the church.  I was bumming hard because I was looking forward to worshipping God.  All of sudden I see this man making things out of palm leaves across the street from where we stood.  I whispered to Brandon "I want to take that mans picture but I don't want to creep him out".  No sooner did I finish that statement when he yells across the street to us "Hey!!! You wanna see something cool?  Come over here and check this out"

We crossed the street and he showed us an enormous black manta ray that had come all the way up to the edge of the shore.  He said they never did that and he was curious why she was up here and was concerned that maybe she was injured.  Seeing a ray that close in the wild was something I will never forget.  Then he started feeding the fish (with bread ... you know ... the same way we feed ducks)  All of these exotic fish started coming in to eat the bread.  It was pretty cool.  Brandon and the man started to have a discussion about the local surf spots and how pollution is effecting the water and life there.  While they were talking I kept feeling this feeling that I needed to say something significant to this man.  That we needed to share the truth about Jesus with him.

Back track with me for a moment:  When I first became a Christian (roughly 4 years ago)  I felt a strong desire to feed the homeless.  I also feel a strong desire to share the gospel.  So naturally in my human effort I combined the two.

Back to the man in Maui: While I was feeling the need to "save" this man and tell him about Jesus he begins to preach to us!!!! He started reciting Romans 8 (which is a post for another day but Romans 7 & 8 have changed my husband and mines lives over the last couple months)  He was so wise and passionate!  I was enthralled.  I could have sat there and listened to him for hours.  Which is pretty much what happened.  He went on to tell us how he is memorizing Hebrews and what God is showing him through his studies.  I can tell you what:  I am sure in my heart that I received more teaching from that homeless man than I ever would have from Judgy Mc Judgerson across the street.  (wait is that judgmental of me?)

The point of this story or my "take away" is that my feeling called to feed the homeless is good and biblical but I'm realizing it's not always an evangelist moment.  I thought the "why" behind feeding the homeless was so that I could lead them to Christ.  God is showing me, by the many homeless people that have spoken with more knowledge about Jesus than I can on my best day, that it is wrong of me to assume the poor are lost.  And maybe I have a lot to learn from them and not the other way around.