I would like to share the wish my heart is making with all of you.
I am hoping and wishing and dreaming of a place for women. A place where the only requirements are that you show up, be kind, be gentle, be patient, be inclusive, love your fellow sister women and love them well.
A place of authenticity. Where we can drag in our trashcan full of junk and instead of covering that trashcan with a pinterest worthy, hand stitched, chevron printed throw blanket and spraying it with fabreeze to cover the stench; we can dump it out, dig through it with other women, help them dig through theirs and while we're digging find the treasures buried in each other's trash. That we could all sit in one another's junk and not judge each other and not measure whether my junk is bigger or worse than your junk. But, just sit in it and be honest about it and let others see it knowing that we've all got some. That none of us are perfect. That none of us has it all figured out.
A place of trust. Trust is a huge issue for me. I am constantly questioning other women's motives towards me. I want this to change. I want to start building trust with other women. I want women to experience what it feels like to pour out your heart and hurts to another woman and not have to worry whether she will turn around and use it against you. Without having to worry whether that woman will take your detailed pain and, under the guise of concern, share it with a mutual friend. I haven't experienced many trustworthy women in my life and I haven't always been one myself. I feel like women are, so often, in self preservation mode. On the defense. Like it's kill or be killed. So we protect ourselves at all costs. We keep our hurt and struggle locked up inside where we feel safe and no one can hurt us. Over the years I am learning the truth in this statement: "we are only as sick as our secrets." The ugly you keep locked in your heart will eventually make it's way out. Through your actions, words, health, etc. Without trust it is hard if not impossible to love well.
A place of safety and protection. If we are going to require authenticity and vulnerability than this place must be safe and protected. There must be guidelines in place that protect the integrity of the mission. This goes hand in hand with trust and bare with me if I'm being redundant. This place I dream of needs to be a place where women can feel safe to trust and safe to empty their trashcan in front of others. A place where they know they are protected. There was a time when I was so despaired and I desperately wanted to get my junk out and experience healing but I was so broken and afraid. I didn't believe I was really safe. I thought it was a trap. That once I was completely honest I would find out that this whole "let's be authentic" game didn't apply to me. That my authentic life was too dirty, too shameful, too revolting, too sinful. No one could understand. No one could hear my truth and still love me. But, I was wrong. Jesus has used safe and protective people in my life to help me let go of my shame and I dream of being a safe and protective person He can use to help other's let go of theirs.
A place of service. I have a vision of women meeting each others needs. Emotionally and also materially. That if our sister woman is in need we are the first to meet that need. I also have a vision of women serving the community. A huge part of healing and getting free from shame can be found in washing the feet of others. Healing can be found in loving someone who may not be capable of returning your love. To give what cannot be paid back.
A place where women can pray for one another. Where we bring our darkness into the light and experience what it's like to have other women pray for us instead of judge us. I believe with everything in my soul that prayer changes things. It can change circumstances. It can change the person we are praying for. It can change us. It can change hearts. The power of prayer is in His name.... Jesus.
Overall a place where we seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with Jesus.
This place I dream of may sound exactly like that... a dream. A place that only exists in the confines of our fantasies. Too some degree that is true because ministry is run by people and people are flawed. But, I'm dreaming and, like the guest speaker said at our church last sunday, "If you're gonna dream, dream big." So, I'm dreaming big. Because dreams are BIG. I think we are capable ladies. I think highly of us. I think we were made for this. I think we are ready for this.
Who's gonna join me?
Overall a place where we seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with Jesus.
This place I dream of may sound exactly like that... a dream. A place that only exists in the confines of our fantasies. Too some degree that is true because ministry is run by people and people are flawed. But, I'm dreaming and, like the guest speaker said at our church last sunday, "If you're gonna dream, dream big." So, I'm dreaming big. Because dreams are BIG. I think we are capable ladies. I think highly of us. I think we were made for this. I think we are ready for this.
Who's gonna join me?
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